Saturday, April 08, 2006

Not Compact

I had to take some paperwork into the office today. As usual, the parking structure was full of noncompact SUVs parked by ASSHOLES in compact spaces. Let's be perfectly clear. I'm not making a political statement about SUVs. I'm making a general statement about MORONS who are squeezing wide vehicles into narrow spaces, and will then, without exception, complain if they get dings in their door from other cars parked next to them. FUCKTARDS, one and all.

You have no idea how tempting it is to take a key to the doors of these jerks' cars. But the parking structure is loaded with video cameras and security guards, so instead, I'll arm myself with a camera and come here to document and bitch about it.

Behold the supreme assholeness!

This silver truck jacked stupid-high off the ground is no doubt owned by a bitter little man who worries about the size of his penis. He's just asking to be vandalized.

An Expedition and an Escalade box in the little red compact car between them. FUCKTARDS.


At Saturday, April 08, 2006 11:30:00 PM, Blogger Natasha said...

im just wondering who is a bigger moron people who park SUV's in compact car spaces or people who take pictures of people who park SUV's in compact car spaces.

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 12:20:00 AM, Blogger ffleur said...

Natasha, I'm guessing you have a big car and park in compact parking spots?

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 12:22:00 AM, Blogger ffleur said...

LA: this is a pet peeve of mine too. Especially in lots that have "normal" and "compact" spots yet the giant cars still squeeze into the compact spots. Very arrogant behavior.

And I drive a compact car in case anyone is wondering.

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 7:16:00 AM, Blogger jane_austen said...

I despise these gigantic SUVs and the moron's who drive them and park them WHEREVER they may.....Did you ever notice that the majority of people who drive these 'Sports Utility Vehicles' are the least sporty looking people around?.....LA, I could totally see you 'accidently' tripping and the keys held firmly in your hand scrapping againest one of these big f**ktard vehicles....te hehehe!.....

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 7:25:00 AM, Blogger jane_austen said...

...BTW, LMAO @ ffleur! :)

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 8:03:00 AM, Blogger LA said...

Natasha - I will venture to say that perhaps the biggest moron of all is the one who comes to a random blog and leaves a bitchy comment alongside a photograph of one's face.

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 8:04:00 AM, Blogger LA said...

ffleur and Jane - Thanks for getting my back! I heart you guys!

p.s. I drive a compact, too! And Jane, yes, brilliant observation!

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 9:45:00 AM, Blogger ffleur said...

LA: anytime my friend.

I've noticed our little blog-o-sphere community is fiercely protective of each other. I love that!

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 11:36:00 AM, Blogger Mike V. said...

I like how you captured two dickhead moves at once in that one photograph:
The guy with the big car who has to BACK his car into the space.
Why do people back their cars into spots??
I don't understand it. What's the point?
Either way, you still have to back the car up.
What REALLY pissed me off is when people try and back their cars into spots in lanes that are angled so they have to fiddle around for like 5 minutes trying to fuck with that.

People are idiots.

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 12:49:00 PM, Blogger prettykitty said...

you should do what i do. spit on their door handle. it's not really vandalism and it gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. :)

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 2:33:00 PM, Blogger jane_austen said...

OMG! prettykitty, that is sooooooo not me, but I will try it!........
LA, you know you rock my friend, any time!...... ;)

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 3:26:00 PM, Blogger prettykitty said...

listen, lady jane. i happen to know things that are technically not vandalism and this falls under the category. suit yourself if you want to just take pictures or stew at being mad at them. spit works mental miracles.

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 3:30:00 PM, Blogger Pope-rah said...

oh my god, too funny La!

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 6:49:00 PM, Blogger anaKonda said...

I see parking morons are a worldwide disease!
Over here, parking is a nightmare and everybody seems to be either very big or very fat because they tend to park in between parking spaces occupying two parking spots or the reserved spots for handicapped ppl and even those with license plates associated with the space!

BTW prettykitty, your idea is fabulous! I thought of sticking gum to the door handle cuz I’m not a very good spitter, it always ends up on my shoes…!

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 7:38:00 PM, Blogger bird said...

oooh LA I am with you all the way on this one.

I have always had little cars (Karman Ghia, Saturn Coupe...) and these "Big Guys" never fail to piss me off.
Not just the parking (although that too) but the driving seems to be more agressive as well!

Total Pet Peeve! And your pictures speak 1,000 words..I especially hate the jacked-up silver truck.

lol @ PK

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 8:14:00 PM, Blogger LA said...

Mike - The pulling in backwards is a special hot button for me. This is an employee parking structure at a large hospital, and the line to get into the structure is backed out onto the street in the mornings because people are pulling these idiotic moves to get their car backed in while 50 people can't get past. It happens every single day.

Kitty - You evil genius you! LOVE IT!

Ana, bird, pope, ffleur, jane - word!

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 8:22:00 PM, Blogger Mike V. said...


Now, on to other business.
When are you going to model those trucker hats?? :)

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 8:37:00 PM, Blogger jane_austen said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 8:39:00 PM, Blogger jane_austen said...

prettykitty, I seriously cannot bring myself to spit out in public (I know, what a fecking priss I am), but seriously, I totally loved your idea..(BTW, I am like anaK, I am not a good spitter, it always falls down my chin and onto my shoes!).. Oh, and I totally like the chewing gum on the handle idea that I can do! :)

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 8:45:00 PM, Blogger GetFlix said...

I'll add to the debate. Big SUV owners are even more frustrated by the enormous amount of money the have to spend to fill-up their tanks. 30 gallons @ $3.60 has gotta hurt. Especially if one commutes to work!!

I drove American V-8's my whole teen life, and they were an absolute blast. But reality as an adult has me hooked on Euro turbo.

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 8:47:00 PM, Blogger LA said...

Flix - I learned to drive on a 1973 Buick Electra 225, it had a 454 V8 engine.

I think you drive a Saab which is one of my faves. Do you have heated seats?

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 9:13:00 PM, Blogger GetFlix said...

Oui. But I've never turned them on. The concept is beyond me.

The 454 is a big block. Lucky you LA.

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 9:18:00 PM, Blogger prettykitty said...

LA, you're the evil genius! your photos capture the right amount of frustration and disbelief.

and jane, i know i could never ask a lady of your caliber to practice such disgraceful behavior. my humblest of apologies to all you refined ladies.

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 9:34:00 PM, Blogger LA said...

FLIX - OMG! You MUST try them out. A few reasons:

1) You live in freezing cold weather, and they really help warm you up.

2) They feel great on an aching back. Imagine you're driving in your car after a weekend of working on the house. Your back aches. Flip those seats on, and it's like a heating pad. I'm telling you, it's divine.

3) Here's the most important reason of all. It's great fun to freak out your passengers. My brother used to turn his on without his passenger knowing about it. It's totally hilarious to watch them squirm, roll up their sleeves, shift in their seat, open the window. One of his friends did all this and more before finally shouting out, "dude, I don't know what's wrong with your car, BUT MY ASS IS ON FIRE!" It was so freaking hilarious. The guy still hasn't lived it down.

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 9:41:00 PM, Blogger Sassy Ass said...

Dang, I drive a SUV....=(

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 9:44:00 PM, Blogger LA said...

Sassy - Don't worry, as long as you don't park your SUV in compact spaces in public lots, we're cool.

At Sunday, April 09, 2006 10:27:00 PM, Blogger Mike V. said...

Heated seats are one of the greatest things ever.
Don't use them often in Southern CA very much, but I am glad they are there.

At Monday, April 10, 2006 6:22:00 PM, Blogger brent said...

Well, if you think this is a problem in designed-for-cars-only-with-huge-parking-lots Los Angeles imagine what it's like in designed-before-cars-existed-with-no-parking London!

A fucking nightmare.

Parking on streets so narrow even a compact can barely pass. Having their drivers sit in their huge Range Rovers while they go shopping parked illegally on side of street bringing traffic to a virtual standstill. Trying to use their size to muscle you out of the way when a two-way street has room for only one car to pass at a time (and if you don't give in getting pissed at you for it - asswipes). Flashing their too-high up xenon headlights in your face. The worst is overly protective, insane parents coming to pick up their little brats from school in these tanks all at the same time and fucking up traffic completely for hours. The list goes on and on.

1 out of 10 times the drivers of these cars are snotty, tiny big-hair women (or tiny men) who would have a hard time parking a Mini, much less a huge 4x4. It's always fun to watch someone who can barely see above the steering wheel struggling to get her Range Rover into a small, narrow parking back and forth ten times over while a long line of cars has to wait for her to finish before they can pass.

I had a running fantasy about going around at night and puncturing the tires of all Range Rovers, BMW X5s (fucking hateful yuppy jeepmobile), Toyota Land Cruisers and a few others. Benz M class are ok and VW Touaregs I actually like.
There is something undeniably pretentious and insecure about these cars and the people who choose to drive them. If you live in the country, OK. But in London? Fuck off!

Thankfully, so many people feel the same that the gov't has stepped in raised by a lot the yearly tax on these cars in London to discourage them from being used here. And remember, gas here is around $6.- a gallon!

I swear, SUVs parked in 'compact' spots is completely trivial, minor thing compared to the shit that goes on here daily.

(hmm. can you tell this subject riles me up?)

Oh and I wouldn't worry too much about 'natasha.' One of the things she likes are "people who stay tan all year long."
Even as a 20yr old that's unforgivable.

At Monday, April 10, 2006 10:23:00 PM, Blogger jane_austen said...

I love prettykitty! ;)
I totally agree with all that Rahneshin said.....and especially agree with his last statement....seriously, being called a moron by a 20 year old doesn't say much. :)

At Tuesday, April 11, 2006 6:01:00 PM, Blogger brent said...

*9 out of 10 times*.

At Tuesday, April 11, 2006 10:00:00 PM, Blogger LA said...

Brent - That was one of the greatest rants ever! What else riles you up? ;)

At Wednesday, April 12, 2006 7:13:00 AM, Blogger Jill said...

I hate SUV parking when they park all crooked and prevent you from getting back into your car. I was at Costco a few weeks ago and someone did this to me. I was pissed but did not want to actually damage anything so I did the first legal thing that came to mind... I flipped a huge blob of my very berry sundae on his driver side window. It looked like some huge bird had a nasty looking accident. The best part was that I just got into my car when he was walking back to his so I was able to see his reaction! Sweet justice!!!


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