Me: Leaping JawsSad news, friends. It's official, I've jumped the fucking shark. Why? Because I'm officially addicted to a reality show. I place the blame squarely on my brother's shoulders; he's the one who insisted last week I start watching Rock Star Supernova. So I did, and then I was back this week, twice, watching the performance show and then the elimination show. And now as Pete Doherty is to crack cocaine, so is LA to Rock Star Supernova. Lord. Have. Mercy.
Yes, it's disgustingly scripted to make everyone sound spontaneously hip and cool, I deplore the live audience and their coordinated hand waving and screaming and idiocy, Brooke Burke is insipid, the official "critiques" from the rock stars make me cringe, and at least 80 percent of the competitors don't have a snowball's chance in hell. And yet, I can't look away. The upswing is that the house band rocks, I truly dig Gilby Clarke, and Tommy Lee cracks me up. But really, I love watching the performances (great music, no AI crap for me) and to be perfectly honest, I'm insanely jealous that I'm not still in my 20s so I can be one of them.
So here is my snarky take on the rockers:
I'm surprised Dana is even a contender. When Tommy Lee threw that Celine Dion reference out there, I knew exactly what he was talking about. She's all wrong for this show and would probably do better in a Top 40 environment, although she did rock the Sass Jordan song tonight. But let's be honest here, the only reason they didn't send her home tonight is because she got lucky that Jenn sucked more.
Here's another one who is out of his element. Ryan belongs on top of an order of nachos, he's such hot cheese. His name is Ryan Star. Yeah, sure it is. Seacrest much? Please, make it go away.
DiLana is the only female contender who I think could actually have a chance. I mean, c'mon, this band is made up of members of Motley Crue, Guns 'n' Roses and Metallica. This could not be a more cock rock vibe if it tried. Ultimately, I can't really see a woman fronting them (other than it might make good television), but if one does, DiLana's got the charisma and the voice to pull it off. I noticed she's got Dreams and Killing in the Name of Love on her playlist. I can't wait to hear her do those.
My brother likes Jill. But then, my brother is a man, and I'm sure all the boys like Jill. From this head shot, I can spot at least three body-part enhancements, possibly more. She has a decent voice, but she also has the tendency to over-sing everything. She'll probably last a few more weeks until all the guys are done passing her around.
Lukas! I like Lukas, and I think he's a very strong contender in the game. Believe it or not, I'm not put off by the makeup and the very cultivated image because he totally owns it. The image seems very authentic on him, and I don't think it's a pose. He has the right energy and presence, and I can totally see him fronting Supernova. (Who came up with the name Supernova anyway? Terrible.) I expect him to go very far, in fact, Lukas could even win!
I like Patrice, and I think she's very talented. I loved her singing Helter Skelter, and I also dug the fierce little bitch fight she had with Jill to get the song. Of course, she's all wrong for Supernova. I see her more as a Sheryl Crow type, but I think she's a solid performer who will probably make it through the first seven weeks.
OMG, why is Zayra still on? She SUCKS! I was pretty shocked when they sent Chris home last week instead of Zayra, and both Gilby Clarke and Dave Navarro agreed with me! She is so wrong for this show, I shudder with embarrassment when she's on stage and when they talk to her.
I don't have a lot to say about the rest. Toby and Magni are both rock solid contenders, and I think Phil might be the wild card.
God, someone kill my television, PLEASE!