Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Office Blues

My sister works in an office full of women who are as lame as the crazy bitches I call my co-workers. I guess three people have developed kidney infections in the last several weeks, so one of these geniuses has determined that the kidney infections are being caused by dust on the toilet paper in the office. Do you love it? I should note that this wasn't the same woman who wondered out loud how one goes about depositing those giant, dry-erase board checks at the bank. I'm not making this up.

That takes me back to the days when I worked in-house and one of my, ahem, "colleagues" called in sick because she had run out of Prozac. Never mind that the pharmacy where she gets her prescriptions filled at almost no cost is the one in the hospital where she reports to work. During my tenure of working with this woman, she called in sick at various times for "anal pain," tripping over the dog, house fire, and the all-time classic, "my husband just killed someone." I. Kid. You. Not.

My point is this. When I start to worry that I'm spending too much time by myself, what with telecommuting and striving to leave my house as little as possible, I need only to remind myself of the typical interaction with the average citizen to realize my plan of limiting my interpersonal time to selected friends and family remains the best strategy. To that end, I just upped my Netflix subscription to two-at-a-time from one.

12 Comments:

At Wednesday, February 14, 2007 8:16:00 AM, Blogger EditThis said...

What kind of balls to you have that you can call in sick due to "anal pain?" Even if you really HAD it, wouldn't you just make something else up?

I'm with you on staying cloistered at home. I envy you being able to work there all the time.

 
At Wednesday, February 14, 2007 10:07:00 AM, Blogger M-M-M-Mishy said...

"Anal pain", eh? Maybe I should try that one out on my boss. I bet I'd get at least three days out of work for that one. And if only I had a husband that would kill people so I had an excuse not to go to work.

I envy your work situation, LA. Some of my co-workers are in imminent physical danger.

 
At Wednesday, February 14, 2007 10:11:00 AM, Blogger Diane said...

I have a co-worker who had a baby by a guy she met at rehab - he's on a crack bender right now, so she is out b/c the baby is supposedly sick - this would sound tragic (except for my lack of empathy for addicts and those that keep them in their lives) but I know that she thrives on this kind of chaos . . . and it will be another excuse next week

 
At Wednesday, February 14, 2007 12:06:00 PM, Blogger LA said...

Mish and Edit - I've been in medicine for ten years now, and one of the first things I noticed is that when medical people call in sick, they tend to go into painful detail. No one will simply stop at "I'm not feeling well."

Edit - I do envy you in that you work with creative people.

Diane - I swear, every office has one. My sister worked with one of these people who actually faked a pregnancy and a miscarriage to get several weeks off around Christmas and New Years. Oh, and good rule of thumb: Don't reproduce with guys you meet in rehab.

 
At Wednesday, February 14, 2007 1:05:00 PM, Blogger Diane said...

la - yeah this same gal was out for 3 weeks (!) with the "flu" a couple of months ago . . . the other thing is that she forgets which excuses she's already used and repeats them at a non-realistic interval ("Wow, another plane already crashed into your house?") but thanks for letting me rant!

 
At Wednesday, February 14, 2007 2:07:00 PM, Blogger prunella jones said...

Why if I had a nickle for everytime I've had to miss work because of anal pain....

 
At Wednesday, February 14, 2007 5:40:00 PM, Blogger PixieGaf said...

OMG the world is full of idiots! I had a boss once who did not know how to turn on a computer or answer the phone. If the phone would ring whenever he was near it he would have a mini-breakdown. Not to mention the fact that he had zero social skills.

 
At Wednesday, February 14, 2007 6:48:00 PM, Blogger GetFlix said...

Yeah, it's an amazing revelation when one suddenly realizes "The Office" is not a comedy.

 
At Wednesday, February 14, 2007 6:50:00 PM, Blogger LA said...

Flix - I had a terrible time watching The Office at first because, years ago, I had a boss very similar to Michael Scott. The first couple times I watched, I cringed in pain and had horrible flashbacks to a less happy time.

 
At Wednesday, February 14, 2007 7:30:00 PM, Blogger Ryan said...

FTW -(fuck the what) - "I should note that this wasn't the same woman who wondered out loud how one goes about depositing those giant, dry-erase board checks at the bank. I'm not making this up."

OMG there really are people that stupid out in the world. I really don't want to believe it!

 
At Thursday, February 15, 2007 8:54:00 AM, Blogger Mike V. said...

I'm on a conference call right now with a bunch of dip shits, so this post makes me feel better.. :)

 
At Friday, February 16, 2007 1:34:00 PM, Blogger LA said...

Ryan - The dry erase board check story is completely true!

mike - glad to be of help! :)

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home