Van Halen Rant, ContinuedIn my last post, my OCD got the best of me, and I obesssed over the fact that Eddie Van Halen is a giant douchebag. What I failed to realize, however, is that he's also an amazing moron. The following is like a gift from Wikipedia. I love it when narcissists rationalize the crap in their lives. (source)
During the late 1990s Van Halen was treated twice for tongue and mouth cancer. During an interview with Howard Stern on Sirius satellite radio channel 100 on September 8, 2006, Eddie claimed that holding a metal pick in his mouth 12-14 hours per day while immersed in the electromagnetic radiation of his music studio caused his tongue cancer (despite this seeming scientifically unlikely). He said he continues to smoke because "cigarettes didn't cause the cancer."
Eddie also revealed that he stopped the cancer via an illegal method (the nature of which he declined to specify) in conjunction with a pharmaceutical lab with which he's affiliated in New York state. He said a portion of his tongue was removed and experimented on, and then the technique was performed on him. He said he has lost one third of his tongue, though his speech sounds virtually unaffected. Despite his battles with oral cancer, Eddie has been photographed in public as recently as July 2006 smoking cigarettes.
Eddie, I've got another hot tip for you. Don't hold an iron golf club outside during an electrical storm. That's how my uncle got struck by lightening and lost an eyeball.