Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Van Halen Rant, Continued

In my last post, my OCD got the best of me, and I obesssed over the fact that Eddie Van Halen is a giant douchebag. What I failed to realize, however, is that he's also an amazing moron. The following is like a gift from Wikipedia. I love it when narcissists rationalize the crap in their lives. (source)

During the late 1990s Van Halen was treated twice for tongue and mouth cancer. During an interview with Howard Stern on Sirius satellite radio channel 100 on September 8, 2006, Eddie claimed that holding a metal pick in his mouth 12-14 hours per day while immersed in the electromagnetic radiation of his music studio caused his tongue cancer (despite this seeming scientifically unlikely). He said he continues to smoke because "cigarettes didn't cause the cancer."

Eddie also revealed that he stopped the cancer via an illegal method (the nature of which he declined to specify) in conjunction with a pharmaceutical lab with which he's affiliated in New York state. He said a portion of his tongue was removed and experimented on, and then the technique was performed on him. He said he has lost one third of his tongue, though his speech sounds virtually unaffected. Despite his battles with oral cancer, Eddie has been photographed in public as recently as July 2006 smoking cigarettes.


Eddie, I've got another hot tip for you. Don't hold an iron golf club outside during an electrical storm. That's how my uncle got struck by lightening and lost an eyeball.

9 Comments:

At Thursday, March 22, 2007 8:37:00 AM, Blogger Diane said...

Ha! No doubt Eddie is a dickhead . . . he may despise the attention Dave and Sammy get, but truth is, without a charismatic lead singer, Eddie would never have had the success . . . sure talented guitarists are respected, but they don't fill stadiums unless they display their talents in nice little ditties the crowd can sing along with . . .

p.s. I once was set up on a blind date with a guy who had lip cancer and still smoked - i thought he was a moron

 
At Thursday, March 22, 2007 10:11:00 AM, Blogger M-M-M-Mishy said...

This loser sounds like a spokeswhore for big tobacco companies. No no, it was never the smoking. Of course.

 
At Thursday, March 22, 2007 10:28:00 PM, Blogger Ryan said...

His man bores me! A complete idoit, and his kid is named Wolfgang. That is a fucked up name in this modern world we live in. Just sayin'.

 
At Friday, March 23, 2007 7:52:00 AM, Blogger Prunella's cousin Edith the poetess said...

Maybe the cancer has spread to his brain? Or he's the mayor of Denialville.

 
At Friday, March 23, 2007 2:12:00 PM, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

*sigh* and to think, at one point in my life, I wanted this man's babies.

 
At Friday, March 23, 2007 10:44:00 PM, Blogger EditThis said...

What an f-ing moron. He sounds like the guy I work with who swears second hand smoke doesn't cause cancer either, that it's a huge govt conspiracy. Sigh.

 
At Sunday, March 25, 2007 1:18:00 PM, Blogger v said...

Hah! High-larious post and comments! Too funny!

 
At Monday, March 26, 2007 10:10:00 PM, Blogger Ffleur said...

My God how can anyone be that stupid?

The part of his tongue was removed BECAUSE it was cancerous, NOT to test it with "pharmaceuticals" and then treat the cancer.

All that booze has killed his final brain cell.

 
At Sunday, April 01, 2007 9:24:00 AM, Blogger Cameron said...

So Eddie's ego has written a lot of checks he can't cash. I don't agree with a lot of decisions he's made since the original VH broke up. He has to make his own mistakes.

Neither you or I know what is best for Eddie. Unless you have had cancer it is hard to know how you will react and cope.

cheers,

Cameron

 

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